Avoiding Situations and Confrontations

So I think I figured out why I have been bursting into tears randomly for the last week or so. I am just horrormonal. I woke up at about 5am to find that Aunt Flo had hacked someone to death in my panties*. Fortunately, it was nothing that some Lortab and a mug of hot cocoa couldn't fix, but I did call in sick to work this morning to sleep off the opiates. Now I'm at the office, bright eyed and bushy tailed, and no worse for the wear.

I have had a rough week. I can't go into details here, because certain people would look really bad, and I am too goddamn polite to call people out on the internet, but I can tell you the end result - I am now even more homeless than I was before.

You see, I lived by myself once upon a time. But when left alone, I found it so ridiculously easy to lock myself inside my apartment and not come out for four months that I did just that - much to the detriment of my ability to hold a job, or prevent eviction, or keep my car from being repossessed. That was all back before this blog even existed, back in the pre-meds era of 04-05, but now that I have the help of the glorious pharmaceuticals, I am able to recognise situations that are not healthy for me - namely, living alone - and avoid them at all costs.

So I bunk up with my dad. It's a mutually beneficial arrangement, in that I keep him in groceries and make sure that his toilet gets cleaned on a regular basis, and he keeps me accountable and less likely to die from slitting my own wrists. Win-win. The problem is, Pops has certain - how should I put this? - legal residential restrictions, and he is unable to live in Austin proper until March, when he is no longer, well, restricted (it's not so much that he can't live in Austin as it is that he can't live OUTSIDE of Hays county, just south of Austin). Until then, we have been staying with family, who really have done a lot for us, letting us stay with them for the last year and all. Things have been fine, and as far as I had been concerned, everything would continue to be fine until March, when Pops is able to move into Austin with me, in our own place, closer to work and my sister.

But apparently, unbeknownst to me, I have overstayed my welcome, and have been unknowingly imposing upon certain people, forcing them to take on jobs they never wanted for a year. And now I have to stay at my sister's house at least part time until Pops is ready (i.e. legally allowed) to move. I can't just go out and get a place by myself, because it could literally kill me. So Molly has taken me in (she only has to take in me and my dog, because Pops is still very much allowed to continue living where we've been). Which is fine, whatever, I stay at her house pretty much every weekend anyway because that's prime babysitting time for the couple who make the bulk of their income waiting tables at a fine dining restaurant. But now I am no longer welcome on the weekends at all at the place were I have lived for a year, with no warning (4 days does not constitute a warning, contrary to what certain people may have you believe) or even so much as an explanation for the treatment that I have received.

I have racked my brain trying to remember if the issue that served as a catalyst for this upheaval was ever brought to my attention before this week, and I can honestly say that no, it was never even so much as mentioned in casual conversation. I've tried to figure out if I did anything to deserve being addressed so hatefully or condescendingly, and there's nothing I can think of. I was told that I am good at "avoiding situations and confrontations," as if that somehow explains their reluctance to bring this to my attention before launching into vitriolic emails that ultimately ended in me being kicked out.

My only response was to be as respectful as I could muster and to acquiesce to their wishes, because it's their house and they get to make the rules, but I am still left wondering why this all happened? What did I do? Why wasn't I given any options? How could I have have unwittingly inspired such disrespect from someone I thought cared about me? How can someone be so callous to their own family? I am left feeling totally unsatisfied with the whole thing.

I know that it's all for the best. I have hated having to commute an hour each way everyday, and I am more than ready to get all my belongings out of storage and set up my own home with my own bed and kitchen and television, and this just gets the ball rolling on that even faster than Pops and I had planned. I have kept my mouth shut about most of the issues I have with living there, out of respect for certain people, and now it looks like that is pretty much a wasted effort, so I feel a bit more free to make my opinion known (not that I will, because, you know, I avoid situations and confrontations - also, certain people are married to lovely people who had nothing to do with the situation at hand, and I wouldn't want to disrespect them in any way). And at least now I know where I stand with certain people (though I thought I knew before, too, so maybe I suck at knowing where I stand with people in general?). I am better for knowing. I am a better person, knowing that they don't care for me.

But seriously, next time someone blindsides me with their capacity for cruelty, can they at least do it when I'm not about to start my lady time? This is ridiculous.

*I have to give credit for this gem to my lovely sister. Who knew that postpartum menstruation could produce the motherload (haha, no pun intended) of comedic material? Now you can see why I love her so much.